Typed on my iPhone on 10 January 2011, at 5.30 am.

(I took almost an hour and a half to type this down. And I had tummyache halfway. Lol what is this. -_-)

It was so real… So hard to believe it. It started so randomly and I don’t even know where to begin…

I was doing smth like I was usually doing at home. All of a sudden, I heard U-Kiss performing outside my kitchen window. It was raining heavily some more… they were on ropes and singing and going up and down like they were climbing the building (smth like the stunts kind or rock-climbing. If you get what I mean) with mikes in their hands. Then next was SHINee. And the boys were performing on an elevated lift platform (those that are used for painting huge multistorey buildings) and they were wearing each of their own colored concert tee. (Idk why they were outside my house but well, they just were.)

All of them were quite high. Even though they were wet. First, Minho looked at me when they first stopped at my kitchen window. Then I realized it was SHINee’s turn. He gave me a big smile… Then the rest were happy and all… But my bias was Jjong. And I noticed that he was quieter than usual… At that time I didn’t know why.

They peformed quite long and when they were going up the next floor, the strings of the elevated lift platform was stuck at a hanger (the big one with mini clips, used to hang socks and small items). Key found it so amusing that he kept laughing… Taemin too. I bowed and did the “sorry” captain hand action. Then they laughed and waved to show “it’s alright”. I was looking a lot at Jjong, he was really quiet and idk if he was upset or smth… He was looking at me at some times though… But I didn’t really catch his eyes… I just wanted to enjoy their super duper “rare” perf, outside my window.

When they got a short break, I saw the other four members except Jjong having a rest at the carpark below… Onew was in a bad mood though… I saw him frowning and he banged his fists against the cement. Idk why he did that… (come to think of it, I’m always dreaming of Onew being angry). Anyway, nevertheless, Key, Minho and Taemin were fooling around and they didn’t seem to looking around for Jjong. I was a little sad to see Jjong not there and I wondered where he went to. But I didn’t think much and went back to my room… As I was going back, I looked at my door (it was ajar) and saw a black shadow sitting at the steps of the staircase. It didn’t take me long to realize who it was. It was… Jjong.

I was so so shocked but I kept calm. I went to the door and secretly invited him into my home. He came into my room and I asked him, “what are you doing here???” he replied, “I wanted to see you.”

I was so shocked but inside me, I was smiling so hard that I couldn’t breathe. I asked him again, “but why here??? You know this is dangerous?!” he said, “ya I know. But I wanted to see you.” seriously the inside of me was secretly smiling so much that I wanted to die…

Then I heard some movement outside and quickly told Jjong to go under my blanket and hide. Then my mom knocked on my door and ask me what was I doing with the door closed. I said I was changing… And she said okay and went back to her own room…

Then I had to pretend to walk around the house like nothing happened so I went to the toilet… As I came back, I saw a lighstick on my bed. It showed: “샤이니 김종현” and another which was the official concert lightstick. I rmbed that the SHINee members were holding one concert lightstick each just now so that was probably Jjong’s and he left it on my bed. I closed the door and only then I realized that Jjong was still under my blanket.

I told him that it was safe and he could get up (I was still very shocked). He got up and stood up straight. In front of me. At that moment, I had a million questions to ask him. I wanted to, so badly. But seeing that he was so tired and shag, I just passed him my water bottle and a clean towel for him to wash up… As he was washing himself up, I stared at this guy. And thought hard. And wondered. The only question that came to my mind at that moment was: “why on earth is he in my house?!?!”

When he was done, I asked him again. And yet, he gave me the same reply from just now: “I just wanted to see you.” this time it wasn’t sweet or anything. I asked him seriously, “do you know what you’re doing right now? And furthermore, in my house?”

Then he stood closer to me. Like really close. Less than a ruler’s width away. Then he looked at me. I couldn’t look at him. I just couldn’t look at his face or his eyes. I wanted to cry. Idk what I was doing now. Idk what I was doing with him.

Then he hugged me. He was wet, and he hugged me. His fingers and hands were cold and his whole body was wet (probably wet from the rain). I… I didn’t know what to do. I stunned and my heart was really racing a few km per hour. I was that close to him… I didn’t know if I should hug him back or not… So I just touched his back a little… My head was resting on his chest and I felt like dying. Was this a dream? Yes it was. But no, while I was dreaming, I still asked myself that question. This was how real it felt. To the point I nearly wanted to cry irl.

Then suddenly, the door opened. We both jumped. And jumped apart from each other. It was my mom. She asked me what I was doing. I stuttered and mumbled smth I didn’t even know whether she heard it cos I couldn’t even unds the words myself. Then she looked at Jjong. He was quiet. Then she walked into my room.

Then unknowingly, I stepped in front of Jjong and did a protective hand action. Then I started to tell her it was nothing and it wasn’t his fault and I was the one who did everything… I was getting worried and I couldn’t stop explaining. I explained clearly and I was panicky. Then my mom started laughing. I was surprised. Then Jjong was surprised too. Then she admitted that she knew this long ago. She was watching the perf from the dining room and she saw Jjong looking at me during many times. Just that I was enjoying the perf too much that I never noticed. She said that she could see his feelings from the way he looked at me. (afterall she had this feeling and exp before). She even told me she secretly snapped photos of him looking at me and us hugging…

Then after awhile, she left the room for me and Jjong to talk. We were silent but we knew we had many things to ask or say… Then Jjong spoke up first. He said, “I like you.” then he kissed me. It was a short wet kiss (wet in a sense that he was already wet from head to toe). Just our lips touching. But I felt like I was floating. I felt jittery all over. I can’t describe how I felt but it was warm. Ironically it was supposed to be cold cos he was cold and wet. But I felt diff. Inside me, I felt warmness and sweetness.

After that, I swear I was blushing so hard. And I was smiling. He saw me smiling and he smiled too. We didn’t say much. It was a bit awkward and embarrassing. But all I know that he was feeling the same way as I did.

Then he said he had to go cos the rest were waiting for him. I knew this was coming. I nodded but I didn’t look at him, in fear that I couldn’t bear to see him go. But funnily, he just patted and rubbed my head. Surprised and comfused by his weird action, I looked up and gave him a blur expression. Then he said this, “I’ll come back for you. Please wait for me.”

Okay, that was it. That was my limit. I cried. And I told him, “don’t go.” I said to him in my pathetic broken Korean. “I promise you I’ll study my Korean really hard. So that though we belong to diff countries, the language barrier will never be a problem between us. There would be problems, but never would language be one of them.”

At this moment, I thought he was going to leave. I was happy but also sad. Happy bcos even if he had forgotten about me in future, this incident would make a nice memory. In this way, I would be contented, to have spent this part of my life with him once like that… That any fangirl would ever dream of.

Sad bcos it might not last… Not that I didn’t believe what he said. Not that I doubted his words. Not that I had already assured myself that his words were lies. None of it. I was being greedy, like any other in love. I was hoping our short time tgt would last longer and that time would just be willing to stop for us, even for a mere min or two…

It seemed like he could read my thoughts (more like he could read my facial expressions). Before he left, he just repeated those words - “I’ll come back for you. Please wait for me.” then he took my lightstick, the unofficial one which had his name on it. He took a purple permanent marker and wrote my name on it. How he knew my name, idk. We met just this once, the first and he knew my name. (prolly from the pillow my friend gave my for Secret Santa. It had his face with a dreamy expression on it, along with the caption “xoxo, Grace. Dreaming of you… Jonghyun.” (that guy must have saw it while he was hiding under my blanket. Omg how embarrassing this is!)

Continuing, he also wrote smth else small but I couldn’t see. (idk if it was the tears from my eyes that made my vision blurry or was it too small and his handwriting wad too scrawny to see what was written). Then he put down the marker after he finished writing and passed the lightstick to me.

Then again, he did an unexpected move. He kissed my forehead and left. Left my room. Left my house. Left with his members. And I just stood there like a rock.

All this were coming at me too quickly that I was unable to absorb what was going on… What I last rmbed was that I stood still without moving an inch as I watched him go before my eyes.

By then, all I knew I had to do was to pen or type or by any means, to jot down this beautiful dream, this beautiful memory. It was just a dream. But never had I smiled so sweetly in my dream, and never in my 18 years of life.

Knowing that it was just a dream, I still smiled. It was enough for me. As till now that I woke up to type this throughout dawn, I caught the sun rising at 7.10 am. My room window was brightly lit. Now I wonder if I should go back to sleep or not…